Moving From Me To We BlogMoving From Me To We Blog

Your Surest Path to Greater Friendships and Success

Q2 nourishingI got this strange idea in eighth grade, nudged by my concerned father. To run for student body president is not a surprising decision for most outgoing, popular people. But I was neither. In fact I tended to daydream, read books that were not on the required list, and sit in the table at the far corner of the cafeteria with the only two friends I had, Denise and Janice.

What unfolded within two months led me to discover the single best method to succeed (sometimes) in new endeavors. Perhaps more importantly, looking back, it enabled me to savor my life with some remarkable and remarkably diverse people who became my friends. Here’s what happened.

Every school has a girl with the flawless hairstyle, perfect-in-front-of-adults manners, and tight clique of “in” friends and decent grades. In my grade school her name was Claire and she kept bumping into me in the hallway. At first I thought it was accidental but accidents don’t happen with such regularity. At least twice a day she knocked me aside, then gave me a tight, apologetic smile. I don’t know how I provoked her but she motivated me to sign up to run against her for student body president. Or rather she motivated my two friends to sign me up.

Talk about The Law of Unexpected Consequences

Q34 sweet spotMy friend Denise’s revered sister was a sophomore at Harvard, a world away from our Maplewood grade school in Portland, Oregon. Over Christmas vacation, she’s told us how she’d been invited to join a new mastermind group that met regularly get frank feedback about their choices in school and  their post-graduation goals.  She lit up when talking how close the group had become, and so quickly — because of their upfront, agreed-upon sweet spots of shared interest.

Denise decided we should form a mastermind group to get me elected.

We met everyday, right after school, reviewing a list of “best prospect” students. We brainstormed reasons why each one might want to vote, in their own interests for me or (more likely) against Claire.

We created cascades, a term we learned from Denise’s sister. It meant that we looked for students who were most likely to influence a cascade of other students. Those are the people that one of us approached first. more deeply conenctec

So, while Claire (and her parents and friends) conducted a very public campaign with posters and parties, we worked quietly, one-by-one, under the water line of public attention at our small school.

My narrow victory was a surprise to many including, frankly, the three of us. My victory speech, in front of the entire student body, was the first time I had voluntarily stood up to speak in front of more than two people–and that was to my five cousins at our family reunion.

Bring-out-otherses-150x150At Janice’s suggestion, I thanked my opponent for her gracious manner in the campaign, alluding to the main trait she had not exhibited. “Look to their positive intent, especially when they appear to have none,” my behind-the-scenes campaign manager, Arne (aka my Dad) had advised in an early meeting of our kitchen (literally) cabinet.

Mastermind Groups, With Apt Rules of Engagement, Enable Us to be Greater Together and For Each Other

That’s how I got my first taste of the power of what’s now called Collective Intelligence. With the right model for how we meet, we become more valuable together than apart. Our mastermind group became an increasingly central part of our lives.

Q7 MM multiplies OpI’ve often feeling like the odd duck among others in the jobs I’ve had, from reporter to corporate executive to government policy wonk to author/speaker. With each career shift, the most meaningful way I’ve created a tight-knit community of work allies and friends has been through starting a mastermind group of my peers, as you may want to do. Napoleon Hill may have been the first person to describe a “mastermind alliance” in his timeless book, Think and Grow Rich.

When a group commits to supporting each other by meeting regularly and abiding by mutually agreed upon Rules of Engagement, remarkable things happen. We tend to bring the best out in each other, as thousands have learned around the world through their mastermind groups. Individuals become tight-knit teams. Iteratively, as we got to know each other better, we could provide more helpful help, be more constructively candid – and do it in “shorthand” brevity and warmth. Consequently, we become happier and higher performing with and for each other.

In our increasingly “social” world where more people work and live on their own, mastermind groups could be the best medicine. If you think you’d like to form one, you be greater togethermight consider a group of your peers (in the same profession or industry or kind of work).

I am in a long-time group of my peers — former journalists who are paid public speakers. We have specific rules of engagement of how we cross-refer and a specific format for how we meet to exchange leads, conference trends and ways to deepen each others; expertise.

The Unexpected Later Adventures of a Lasting Mastermind Group

The side benefit has grown to be more meaningful, over the years, than our original goal (getting booked to speak): seeing each other through divorces, awards, deaths, celebrations we know so much about each other we can talk in emotional, candid short hand and provide ever great support and fun for each other

That’s priceless.

Mutuality-Matters-More-100x150It is never too late for you to start your own mastermind group of no more than seven members around a strong sweet spot of mutual interest — which will inevitably evolve into something far richer, different and more meaningful than you could have ever anticipated.

Postscript: Thank you, Claire, for literally pushing me into discovering the power of mastermind groups. You changed my life.

Categories: behavior, Collective Clout, Collective Intelligence.
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