Has someone been sending
you emails rather than calling or meeting you face-to-face? When
you get together, does she or he stand back, avoid holding eye contact
or speaking up? While there are many possible reasons for their
behavior, that person may, in fact, be chronically shy. Shy people
tend to smile, touch, and speak less. In social situations they
experience rapid heart beat, perspiration, and butterflies in the
stomach.
Shy people think more negative thoughts about themselves, expect
to be rejected, and perceive others as unapproachable. They are
more likely to forget information presented to them when they believe
they are being evaluated. In short, the world looks like a scary,
unfriendly place, so—ironically—they often look unapproachable.
At what cost? Shy people have more trouble meeting people, conversing,
and forming relationships.
Back to top
|
In his study, Thomas Harrell
of Stanford University found that “The number one factor linked
with success was social extroversion, the ability to speak up,”
something shy people are least apt to do.
Two potent negative consequences of shyness are:
1) Shy people have greater health problems because they tend to
have a weak network of friends, are less resilient to illness, and
less likely to give doctors sufficient information to be treated;
2) They're less likely to make money, live up to their potential
at work, or feel appreciated for their contributions.
Why do more people describe themselves as shy? Is it our growing
social isolation? With less time spent in face-to-face interaction,
people are less comfortable with their ability to connect.
Back to top
|
What can you do to reach
out through your shyness? Seek out and create safe environments
to experience the non-shy parts of yourself, without fear of judgment
or negative consequences. Over time, you'll know that you can survive
and even thrive in situations that had seemed scary.
Most of my childhood I was quiet and kept to myself, mostly because
I enjoyed daydreaming and reading. But most people thought I was
shy. I had to learn to reach out more so people would be comfortable
with me. When you connect and care, you live better—not because
those gestures are always acknowledged, but because it is your brave
and warm expression of how you want to live your life.
Back to top
Kare Anderson is the founder of the Say It Better
Center, located in Sausalito, CA. She can be reached via email at
kare@sayitbetter.com.
|
