| Why do we instinctively
like some people and find others irritating, or worse? What makes
us agree, buy, help... or not? Do your gut instincts help or hinder
your "LQ" – Likeability Quotient? From an expert
on gut instincts, gain insights about how to say it better next
time. Answer this quick nine-question quiz and get some tips. Some
of the answers may surprise you.
1. Do people get along better when talking to each other if they
are facing each other or if they are standing side by side?
2. Who tends to face the person with whom they are speaking (men
or women) and who tends to stand side by side, facing more or less
the same way (women or men)?
3. If you want to increase the chance of knowing if someone is
lying to you, what is one helpful phenomenon to notice about that
person's face when he or she is talking to you?
4. If you want to keep someone's attention, is it better to wear
a patterned shirt or blouse or a plain blouse or shirt?
5. What is the most directly emotional of all the senses, bypassing
the thinking facilities and causing a quicker, more intense reaction
in the limbic (emotions) system than any other sense?
6. Are you more likely to get someone to support you or buy something
if you give them something up front, unasked, before you ask for
the favor?
7. Who tends to maintain wider peripheral vision when entering
a new place, men or women?
8. Who tends to be more specific in their descriptions, adults
or children?
9. Of the previous eight questions, which is the one people are
most likely to ask for the answer to first and, if reading the questions
in a group, are most likely to comment on first?
Answers
1. People get along better when they "sidle," stand or
sit side by side rather than when they face each other.
2. Men are more likely to sidle than women.
3. Note the timing and duration of the first "reactive"
expression on someone's face when you think that person is not telling
you the truth. When lying, most
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people can put an innocent
expression on their faces, yet few (except pathological liars) will
have the right timing or duration of that expression.
If you ignore the expression itself and, instead, consider whether
the timing and duration of the expression seem natural, you'll greatly
increase your chances of knowing if that person is lying.
4. Wearing a plain, unpatterned shirt or blouse will increase the
chances that the listener will hear you longer. A patterned top
or ornate jewelry or loud tie will break up the listener's attention
span sooner, and that person is more likely to go on more "mental
vacations" sooner.
5. Smell is the most directly emotional of the senses. The right
natural scent can refresh or relax you and others in your home or
work site. Vanilla, apple, and chocolate are the scents Americans
most like.
6. Yes, up to 14 times more likely to get their support or a purchase.
This gut instinct is often called "reciprocity reflex."
Learn more by reading Influence by Robert Cialdini.
7. Women. That is why store owners who serve men will increase
their sales if they have prominent, eye-level signage over large
displays where men will see the signage soon after entering the
store.
8. Children are more vividly specific, hitting their prime around
fourth grade and then beginning to speak in generalities, more like
adults. A specific detail proves a general conclusion, not the other
way around. Plus, specifics are more memorable and credible.
9. Question number 3.
It seems that we have an inordinate interest in lying.
Three related insights on instincts that may interest you:
Finding #1: "Move to Motivate"
MOTION
Motion is emotional. It increases the intensity of feeling about
whatever is happening.
Further, more than things they enjoy, people remember the things
they dislike or fear that they experience in motion. Motion attracts
attention and causes people to remember more of what's happening
and feel more strongly about it, for better or for worse.
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Insight:
This is another justification for golf! Think of the unforgettable
golf swing. The more dimensions of motion involved (body moving
up/down, left/right, backward/forward), the more memorable the motion.
Get others involved in motions with you that create good will:
walking, sharing a meal, handing or receiving a gift, shaking hands,
turning to face a new scene. You are more likely to literally get
"in sync" (vital signs become more similar: eye pupil
dilation, skin temperature, heartbeat) and to then get along.
Finding #2: "Deep Convictions"
PASSION
The more time, actions, or other effort someone has put into something,
someone, or some course of action, the more deeply that person will
believe in it, defend it, and persist in their efforts.
Insight:
If you want more from another person, wait to ask until after she
has invested more time, energy, money, or other resources. The more
someone talks about something, repeats and elaborates it, writes
it down, and explains it to others, the more deeply that person
will believe it –- and feel inclined to tell others. Imagine
your customers raving about their experience with your product.
Finding #3: "True Timing"
LIKEABILITY
If a person likes the way he acts when he is around you, he often
sees the qualities in you that he most admires. The opposite is
also true. Two universal truths: people like people who are like
them, and people like people who like them.
Insight:
Pick the moments when someone feels most at ease and happy to move
the relationship forward. Don't make suggestions or requests when
they are acting in an unbecoming way; your efforts will only backfire.
Praise the behavior you want to flourish. Don't ask for more from
someone until they have invested more time, money, other resources,
or emotional "chits" in the relationship.
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Want to Learn More?
Here are some great books on body language, finding comfort, making
presentations, networking, and how to listen.
Kare Anderson is the founder of the Say It Better
Center, located in Sausalito, CA. She can be reached via email at
kare@sayitbetter.com.
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