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"Your face is my
map to your life."
Harry Houdini, magician
We are all literally and unwittingly two-faced. To learn more about
how you present yourself to the world and about your underlying, more
"private" feelings, you just have to look yourself in the
face. Want to get out a mirror now, before you read further? Do you
attract or alienate your prospects and long-time staff?
You constantly present two aspects of yourself, on the two sides
of your face. Recent research on the different functions of the
left and right sides of the brain helps to explain why this is so.
The two vertical halves of the face are each affected by the nerves
of the opposite side of the brain and show the world different parts
of how you feel.
In fact, the two sides of your face, like the two sides of your
body -- the left and the right -- are usually asymmetrical and unequal
in proportion. Look at yourself in the mirror -- full-face and full-length
-- to see the differences.
In short, your face is your shorthand to your body language.
Your expressions, in repose, are icons
of your attitudes toward life.
The left side is the more "private" part of your personality,
and your right is the more "public" side of your face.
The left often looks less happy than the right. Most subjects who
have been analyzed projected their wish images on the left side
of their face, and their right side related more to their real or
basic self-image and attitude toward the world.
Your face's right side often appears more pleasant, sensitive,
vulnerable, and/or open in expression. The left side is less expressive
than the right and tends to reflect the hidden, severe, stern, and/or
depressed aspects you usually intend to keep private from the world
-- and sometimes even from yourself.
The left side is more likely to register negative emotions, while
the right side tends to reflect the more positive and optimistic
but not necessarily phony part of your personality.
"When I smile I must also show the grimace behind it."
- Liv Ullman, actress and author
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Because the right side
of the brain has more control over the left side of the body --
including the face -- it stands to reason that the research on how
the brain is organized, left and right, can give us insights into
how we literally face the world and how we can better understand
others. The left brain -- reflected more in the right side of the
face -- relates to logic, pragmatic thinking, practicality, and
language.
The right part of the brain, in turn, relates more to intuition,
imagination, and other more creative leaning.
The basic gut feelings, including your attitude toward yourself
and your life, emanate from your right brain. You express them more
in the left side of your face.
We do not see things as they are; we
see them as we are.
Your more controlled or conscious responses -- the social mask
you put on for the world -- may be processed more by the pragmatic
left brain and appear more readily on the right side of the face.
Perhaps you're getting lost in the "lefts" and "rights"
of all this, but let's continue with some experiments you can conduct
to learn more about yourself and others for whom you have strong
feelings (like or dislike) in your life.
How Do You See the World?
Ironically, the right brain is more actively involved in observing
the world -- which it does predominantly through your left eye.
And, when you face someone, your left eye is across from the other
person's right side. Therefore, you are more aware of their right
side. But you are thus most noticing the side of the other person's
face that is more connected with their left or "logical"
and less revealing side. You miss facing the part of their face
that is most likely to show underlying "true" feelings.
"Public / Private Face" Exercise
Here is a rather intimate exercise to do with someone -- and it
doesn't involve disrobing or even touching. Sit facing each other.
Now look at the left and the right sides of the other person's face.
Does the right side show a more open, less tense presence? Does
the left look more reserved, serious? The left side -- that is,
their left side -- is the more private face, remember, and the right
side is their more public face. In fact, their left side is likely
to show their more basic disposition. As you face each other, discuss
your observations, one side at a time.
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"The face is the
most memorable part of the body and the eyes are the most memorable
part of the face."
- Werner Wolff, psychiatrist and hypnotist
"Driver's License Photo Show" Exercise
Now try this experiment. Get out your driver's license. Look at
both sides of your face, covering one side at a time with a piece
of paper. Look "inward" at yourself and see if you observe
different aspects of yourself.
You may also want to look back at your family album and look at
the progression of your face and your personality development over
time -- and that of others in your family. Look at the childhood
albums of close friends and in-laws for other perspectives on them.
"Photo Finish" Exercise
To gain a still more revealing view of yourself, find two photographic
negatives of "head and shoulders" close-up pictures of
yourself. If you don't have any handy, ask someone to take two pictures
of you; offer to do the same for them and compare notes on this
exercise. Cut both negatives of yourself vertically in half, down
the center of your face. Flop over one side of each negative.
Take a glossy-coated side and a dull-coated side of the left side
of your face from the two negatives and ask your camera shop to
print it to create a "left-left" photo. Take another pair
and also get a "right-right" print made. Thus, instead
of the normal right-left photo of your actual face, the joined half
negatives become left-left and right-right faces. You will then
see exaggerated versions of both aspects of yourself -- and will
probably be able to see each more clearly.
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Want to Learn More?
Here are some great books on body language, self-knowledge, handling
conflict and difficulty, and how to connect or persuade. You can
order them right now.
Kare Anderson is the founder of the Say It Better
Center, located in Sausalito, CA. She can be reached via email at
kare@sayitbetter.com.
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