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Category Archive for Connecting

Disagree? Ways to Keep Talking Instead of Arguing

He takes a stupid stand. (Translation: he hit my hot button.) My first response is to dislike him. (Apparently that’s a universal reaction.) My distaste shows on my face and in my tone, despite my attempt to cover my feelings in a cloak of civility. Even friends or sympathetic bystanders take a psychic step back. Naturally he reacts in one of two ways: Stepping Back (saying little, going blank-faced, silent or even walking away) or Escalating Up (counter-attacking, speaking louder, standing closer). It’s instinctual – beyond our conscious choice. These are rapid, thin slices of gut reactions and responses. The… Read More

Four Traits for Becoming More Valued, Visible and Frequently Quoted Ally

As an employee one of the best ways to grow your personal brand is to strengthen relationships with your organization’s key stakeholders and unexpected outside allies. Here are four methods to enable you to become a valued ally: 1. To prove you can actually be helpful to a customer or other key stakeholder to the firm – and thus a valued ally – adopt the Triangle Talk approach to connecting with others: A. You B. Me C Us First address one of their specific needs or interests, then cite exactly how you can support that interest, and then ask if… Read More

What We Don’t Intend to Reveal Can be More Revealing

Like many photographers before him, Richard Zaltman was visiting remote areas of the world to capture images of people living lives far removed from those in the United States. Here’s what made his experience different. One morning, while walking through an isolated village in Bhutan, he suddenly got the idea of turning his camera over to the locals to see what they would consider significant enough to show others about themselves. Later, when he looked at all their pictures, he noticed that most of the photos cut off people’s feet. “At first, I thought the villagers had just aimed wrong,”… Read More

What I Ultimately Learned From My Mortifying Mistake

To this day I’m mortified when I see a box of chocolates. Perhaps sharing this story may save you from embarrassing yourself in a similar way. I was in the Antwerp airport, heading back to San Francisco. Before settling into a seat at my gate I bought two indulgences for the flight home, John LeCarre’s Our Kind of Traitor, and a box of Pierre Marcolini truffles, one of the most popular brands in Europe. Within minutes I was swept into LeCarre’s masterful spy mystery. But I promised myself I would savor my truffles, eating each one slowly. At some point… Read More

Actionable Insights About the Power of Mutuality Mindset

Ready to live a more accomplished, adventuresome and meaningful life with others? Here are some actionable tips from Mutuality Matters that may move you to adopt that mindset: Adopt This Counterintuitive Way To Be Well-Liked One of the biggest misconceptions about connecting is seeking, first, to be liked. In fact, the counterintuitive way to get someone to like you is in knowing this core truth: If they like the way they feel when around you, they will like you. In fact, they will project onto you the character traits they most like in others, even if you have not yet… Read More