Tag Archive for mutuality matters

What I Ultimately Learned From My Mortifying Mistake

To this day I’m mortified when I see a box of chocolates. Perhaps sharing this story may save you from embarrassing yourself in a similar way. I was in the Antwerp airport, heading back to San Francisco. Before settling into a seat at my gate I bought two indulgences for the flight home, John LeCarre’s Our Kind of Traitor, and a box of Pierre Marcolini truffles, one of the most popular brands in Europe. Within minutes I was swept into LeCarre’s masterful spy mystery. But I promised myself I would savor my truffles, eating each one slowly. At some point… Read More

Want a Way to Get Out of Your Filter Bubble on Facebook?

A recent research finding by Morning Consult that only 5% of adults seeing social media posts on Facebook from those with a much different world view is recent sign of how social media can reinforce our living in “filter bubbles” – meaning a tendency to surround ourselves with likeminded people and ideas. Way back in 2013 I wrote in my Forbes column about Eli Pariser’s insight book on this topic. And in my blog in 2012 I cited his book and two others that warned of this tendency – The Big Sort and On Being Certain. According to the Morning… Read More

Actionable Insights About the Power of Mutuality Mindset

Ready to live a more accomplished, adventuresome and meaningful life with others? Here are some actionable tips from Mutuality Matters that may move you to adopt that mindset: Adopt This Counterintuitive Way To Be Well-Liked One of the biggest misconceptions about connecting is seeking, first, to be liked. In fact, the counterintuitive way to get someone to like you is in knowing this core truth: If they like the way they feel when around you, they will like you. In fact, they will project onto you the character traits they most like in others, even if you have not yet… Read More

Why Become a Connective Leader in Our Complex World

“Diversity trumps ability” as a sufficiently diverse, large group of non-experts often outperforms a small group of experts,” found Future Perfect author Steven Johnson. In our increasingly complex, disruptive world, we will face more situations where we can benefit from calling on the so-called wisdom of the crowd. Thus it behooves us to have colleagues with very different work and life experiences, and from diverse professions and industries. Be aware of the mitigating problems of “social influence” so you can sidestep them. Secondarily, as a connective leader, hone your capacity to recruit and involve them to support you, as you would support them, and… Read More

Pull Others Closer & Bring Out Their Better Side

Early in my work life I was sometimes surprised to see how some people were promoted faster than others who worked harder, as I was raised to do. Now I see why this happens. The surprise, for me, was that research shows you are most likely to look trustworthy to others and be liked if you first exhibit warmth and then competence, not the reverse. Our Danish family emphasized diligent work; thus competence was most apparent upfront. Yet we are hardwired to respond first to visible warmth from others and can feel coolness in them when they are simply demonstrating… Read More